I am pretty sure that I could count the number of movies we've seen in a theater in the last three years using only my fingers. So this past week, on a glorious vacation full of naps and carbs, we went to see two. TWO MOVIES IN ONE WEEK. In order of ridiculousness, here they are:
and...
Top of the questionable heap is Mortal Instruments: City of Bones. I am not proud of this fact, but I admit to reading all five of these books. I know the twist. And can't decide if I am appalled that the movie gave it away, or relieved that if there are more of these cinematic gems, the unenlightened audience won't have to sit there thinking "Ewwww." If you've read the books, you'll know what I mean. Or just email me and I'll tell you.
The characters are much more endearing in the books, in a "you are such dumb kids but you're sort of cute and clueless and I am now attached to you in spite of my own better judgement" kind of way. In the movie, they're just being pretty in front of the green screen. But I enjoyed it anyway, because we were at the movies, and the unintentional comedy factor of this one is pretty high. Case in point: the highlight of the experience was when my darling husband pointed out that the "hero" of the story, half-angel, demon-hunting, Shadow Hunter Jace, was a dead ringer for an older celebrity. He's not wrong.
So next we have Riddick: Rule the Dark. It was icky (like, lots of goo) and mysogynist and it's kind of expected that it is not a chick movie. And it's not. But it did remain true to the series. Vin Diesel quips and doesn't have to change his expression at all. There was a dog thing in this one, and it was by far the most likeable character. But the best part was getting to see Starbuck again. Starbuck! From BSG! Let's all take a moment to remember one of the greatest moments in scripted television:
So say we all!
You may be wondering, then, if I knew going in that I wasn't going to find these movies especially, well, good, why did I pick them? There were only two theaters on the island where we were vacationing, and they each had a paltry four screens. Showing the same four movies. Which might explain these choices.
These are the kinds of theaters many of us remember from childhood. The ones where they take your ticket up front, and when you go to sit down, the metal chairs squeak and rock and don't have cupholders, and the whole place smells like old popcorn and mildew, and there are drip stains on the screen where somebody threw God only knows what when noone was watching.
Which kind of made it all the sweeter. Two movies in one week with my husband and it felt a little like high school and old times. That said, true to our changed circumstances, we were both a little melancholy when we got home and the Bit was already asleep. Movies in a theater are awesome, and I'm glad we got to go, but real life, in yoga pants on the sofa trying to play Candy Crush while also pretending to be a My Little Pony, is kind of awesome, too.
* Lest someone out there think I don't adore my child, rest assured that I do. She has a tutu for every day of the week, an unlimited supply of hugs, her daddy wrapped tight around her wee little fist, and we couldn't imagine not having her as part of our little family. I know you're attached to your own children, so please don't take offense, but my kid is better.;)
** 1. Sleep. 2. Swearing. 3.Movies. 4. TV shows with swearing. 5. Sleeping late.
