Mommy saw that! Movie review: Nothin' but the rain...

Since becoming a mommy, there are a few things I miss about childless life.* Sleep is #1. Somewhere on this very short list** is movies. In a theater. With my husband. And a huge thing of soda and possibly popcorn. Every. Single. Weekend.

I am pretty sure that I could count the number of movies we've seen in a theater in the last three years using only my fingers. So this past week, on a glorious vacation full of naps and carbs, we went to see two. TWO MOVIES IN ONE WEEK. In order of ridiculousness, here they are:

and...

Top of the questionable heap is Mortal Instruments: City of Bones. I am not proud of this fact, but I admit to reading all five of these books. I know the twist. And can't decide if I am appalled that the movie gave it away, or relieved that if there are more of these cinematic gems, the unenlightened audience won't have to sit there thinking "Ewwww." If you've read the books, you'll know what I mean. Or just email me and I'll tell you.

The characters are much more endearing in the books, in a "you are such dumb kids but you're sort of cute and clueless and I am now attached to you in spite of my own better judgement" kind of way. In the movie, they're just being pretty in front of the green screen. But I enjoyed it anyway, because we were at the movies, and the unintentional comedy factor of this one is pretty high. Case in point: the highlight of the experience was when my darling husband pointed out that the "hero" of the story, half-angel, demon-hunting, Shadow Hunter Jace, was a dead ringer for an older celebrity. He's not wrong.

See?

So next we have Riddick: Rule the Dark. It was icky (like, lots of goo) and mysogynist and it's kind of expected that it is not a chick movie. And it's not. But it did remain true to the series. Vin Diesel quips and doesn't have to change his expression at all. There was a dog thing in this one, and it was by far the most likeable character. But the best part was getting to see Starbuck again. Starbuck! From BSG! Let's all take a moment to remember one of the greatest moments in scripted television:

So say we all!

You may be wondering, then, if I knew going in that I wasn't going to find these movies especially, well, good, why did I pick them? There were only two theaters on the island where we were vacationing, and they each had a paltry four screens. Showing the same four movies. Which might explain these choices.

These are the kinds of theaters many of us remember from childhood. The ones where they take your ticket up front, and when you go to sit down, the metal chairs squeak and rock and don't have cupholders, and the whole place smells like old popcorn and mildew, and there are drip stains on the screen where somebody threw God only knows what when noone was watching.

Which kind of made it all the sweeter. Two movies in one week with my husband and it felt a little like high school and old times. That said, true to our changed circumstances, we were both a little melancholy when we got home and the Bit was already asleep. Movies in a theater are awesome, and I'm glad we got to go, but real life, in yoga pants on the sofa trying to play Candy Crush while also pretending to be a My Little Pony, is kind of awesome, too.

* Lest someone out there think I don't adore my child, rest assured that I do. She has a tutu for every day of the week, an unlimited supply of hugs, her daddy wrapped tight around her wee little fist, and we couldn't imagine not having her as part of our little family. I know you're attached to your own children, so please don't take offense, but my kid is better.;)
** 1. Sleep. 2. Swearing. 3.Movies. 4. TV shows with swearing. 5. Sleeping late.

Mommy Read That! Review of the Grisha Trilogy, Books 1 and 2

So I know I'm kind of cheating by writing a book review, but I've been working on another cake post for 2 weeks and it's coming, but slowly, and I needed a break, so, yeah, book review! And of course, it is YA, although it is one of those YA books that I am not sure just how young the adult should be to read it.

Books 1 and 2 of the Grisha Trilogy by Leigh Bardugo

 and 

And because I am nice, I am going to provide you with quickie review, in case you just want to know if you'd even be interested before wading through my rambling.

One-sentence summary

It's like Harry Potter crossed with the Hunger Games, set during the Bolshevik Revolution.

Disclaimers*

• There are two criteria I have for liking a book: It must have an interesting plot or be well written, extra points for both!
• I like trashy books. I don't necessarily mean "50 Shades of Grey" trashy, although I have read that masterpiece of misogynist porn modern love as told through erotica, you just won't see a review of it here. Okay, maybe you will, here goes: Save your money, people. There, all done!

On with the show

I think I can endorse the Grisha series (the first two books, anyway) for both interesting plot and decent writing. With some reservations, of course. The prose isn't flowery or moving or anything, but it is dramatic and clean and throws in random Russian words, which I really like, because I took Russian for two years in college, and while I can't speak it or really understand it, I can pick out the random phrase (phonetically spelled, of course,"Oo menya nyest kaniga" means "I have a book." Technically, it means "At me there exists a book." Thank you, communism!). It makes me feel smarter.
The plot is absorbing, if somewhat familiar in the genre. These novels are YA fantasy, but thankfully free of werewolves or vampires. They are chock-full of magic and monsters, though, which is great if what you're looking for is escapism.

The basic premise is not unfamiliar: an ordinary orphan girl, Alina, and her life-long friend and fellow orphan, Mal... 

...are scraping by as conscripts in the First Army of what is essentially a feudal society, with the "haves" being the King, of course, and his court, and also, the Darkling, who commands the Second Army. This army is comprised of Grisha, who are basically wizards whose magic seems to lie mostly in controlling certain elements. Everybody else is a "have-not." That includes the entire First Army.
The big "bad" in the first book is an entity called "the Fold," which is this enormous gash of a wasteland that sprung to life a century ago as a result of the former Darkling using some kind of bad ju-ju and is full of man-eating versions of these guys:

The first real "action" in the book is when Alina, a cartographer, and Mal, a tracker, have to cross the Fold. They know going in that not everyone will make it, but there's no choice, and they have a few flame-thrower Grisha to help them with the beasties.
I don't think I'm spoiling anything by telling you that not all goes smoothly on this journey, and just when it looks like our heros are done for, something.Magical.Happens.

I'll stop there. The rest is up to you to read. There are epic quests, adventures, kidnappings, ships, gruesome deaths and maimings, smooches, coups, and fun little wisecracks. I will say that the first book is better than the second in terms of plot tightness, but the second is no freaking joke at the end. The middle drags a bit, mostly with relationship and political stuff, but the end is kind of brave of the author, I think. It ain't pretty, in many ways. But I'm interested in seeing where #3 takes us. In other words, if you hated books 2 and 3 of the Hunger Games, well, you've been through this before.

What I liked 

I really enjoyed the wintry, gothic feel of these books, and I liked the world, although I wish there'd been a little more focus on the mechanics and training of the Grisha, and a little more about the history of Ravka.  In this arena, Harry Potter, it ain't.

What I didn't like

There's, like, 3 love interests. But not really. It's lame. Also, Alina is kind of Katniss-like in her grouchiness, although noone really has to twist her arm to get her to step up to the hero plate. Still, there are moments when I had to remind myself of why I was supposed to like her.

What I am on the fence about

Alina and Mal's relationship. In the beginning, it's kind of like this:

But without this:

And eventually is also like this:

What I liked about it, though, was that the real problem in the relationship is not another character (not really, although there are a few thrown in there) or even that Alina is *super special* and Mal isn't, it's the way the world treats those two roles, and the ideologies that the two of them grew up with that they can't quite shake. And also, they are young and stupid. I say this with absolutely humility - I was the former once, and am the latter frequently.

All done

So there you have it! A good couple of reads for the beach or the lake or staying up late into the night. And maybe next summer we can all read the thrilling conclusion, Ruin and Rising. I hope we find out a lot more about Alina's early history, why she was orphaned, why the Grisha Screening Committee totally failed, if Mal has super powers, and if Alina ever gets her hair fixed. Ah, the anticipation.

*Disclaimers subject to change at any time. I have actually read and enjoyed books just as trashy as 50 Shades, but probably with fewer sex toys.