Hat Trick

I do cakes for love, not money.

I truly, truly respect anyone who does this stuff for a living. I usually take on a project for a friend or family member, get all excited about it, spend countless hours plotting out the details in my head, then inevitably, the cake cracks, the piping bag bursts, the "goldenrod yellow" food coloring is more of a "traffic cone orange," I can't find my leaf tip ANYWHERE and the fondant cracks every time I look at it. In short, I am always up at 3am the day the cake is "due" doing absurd things with duct tape and Ziploc bags.
Which is why this cake was such a wonderful, refreshing surprise. It went...fine.

The hardest part was deciding on the color (lemon yellow is a much closer approximation of its packaging). This is a cake that I think anyone could reproduce with the right tools, a little patience, and a handful of YouTube videos.

Materials

You can pick up all of the equipment listed here at Michael's or your local craft store. I've linked out to Amazon just so you can see what everything looks like.

• Cake turntable or Lazy Susan put on top of a box or a big cake pan or something.
• Icing comb
• Ziploc freezer bags, any size larger than the snack version*
• Cake pans: ideally, two 8-inch round pans, 1 12-inch round pan, and an oven-safe bowl with a diameter of 8 inches at the rim.** 
• Cake plate or 12 to 14 inch round cake board
• 1 8-inch round cake board
• 1 6 inch round cake board
• Icing tip 104
• Piping bags
• Food coloring (your choice-I used leaf green, lemon yellow, and sky blue)
• 2 large batches of buttercream frosting (you can make whatever you like, you'll just need a LOT of it. Like, 4 pounds. I used the same recipe as my Cupcakeasaurus, just double it)

Method

• Bake your cakes in the pans or sizes indicated. You can use any recipes you like; for this cake, I used an entire recipe Kentucky bourbon butter cake for the 12-inch layer (the "brim" of the hat) and a 2 chocolate box mixes (gasp!***) for the 8-inch layers (which, when stacked, make up the "crown").
• Now it gets fun! Put your 12-inch cake on the cake plate. If the top is "domed," level it off with a bread or cake knife or even some dental floss! (If you have NO IDEA what I am talking about, watch the video.)

• Give it a nice crumb coat (that's just a thin layer of frosting over the whole thing-don't worry about the cake showing through, you're going to add so many ruffles to this thing!)
• Tint 1 whole batch of buttercream frosting the "base" color (lemon yellow, in this case)
• Fit a large piping or freezer bag with the 104 icing tip and fill 'er up with yellow frosting. (For more than you ever wanted to know about piping bags, watch the video.)

• Starting at the bottom of the layer and working in concentric circles, make ruffles using the method in this video until there's roughly an 8-inch circle of unadorned cake on top.

• Stick the whole thing in the fridge.
• Stack, fill, and crumb coat your 2 8-inch layers on the 8-inch cake board using untinted frosting and/or filling of your choice.**** 
• Put the cake on the turntable, if you haven't already.
• Place a 6-inch cake board on top of the 8-inch layers.
• Place the bowl-shaped cake flat-side down on the cake board.
• Do a crumb coat.
• Using the yellow icing, generously frost the assembled "crown" of the cake. It's doesn't have to be perfect, but it should be thick.
• Holding the icing comb perpendicular to the cake, "drag" the teeth through the frosting, while slowly turning the turntable. You'll need to wipe off the comb fairly regularly, and it might take a few tries to get the hang of it, but eventually, it should look like a nice striped texture.
• Put this cake in the fridge.
• While both cakes are chilling, grab your untinted icing and divide it into 3 parts. Tint one part green (for the leaves), one part whatever color you want the ribbon to be (I did sky blue), and either leave one part the untinted color (for the flowers) or color it however you like.
• Take the cakes out of the fridge and gently put the "crown" of the cake on top of the "brim." Bad things can happen during this process. Just go slow, and remember that you can always fix whatever you mess up.It's only frosting.
• Using whatever is left in your yellow piping bag, add a row or two of ruffles around the base of the crown part of the cake, just to make the "hat" look seamless.
• Using an icing tip or just a Ziploc bag with the corner clipped off, create a "band" around the base crown of the cake (mine is sky blue, and was done with a large petal tip, because that's what I had).
• Watch this video, and then create your choice of flowers.

• Watch this video, and add the leaves.

• Add any additional ribbon "streamers."
• Pour yourself a glass of wine - you've earned it! AND YOU'RE DONE!

* I say this as a brand name because in this case, it matters. You don't have to get the fancy zipper-topped ones and definitely DO NOT get the pleated bottom ones. The good old-fashioned, square baggie will work fine, but it must be strong, or bad things WILL happen.
**You can size up or down, just do so proportionally, and if all you have are square or rectangular pans, you can carve out circles of the right sizes - what happens to all those lovely cake scraps is your little secret.
***Box cake mixes, especially chocolate, are not bad, when you doctor them appropriately. I always add a Starbuck's Italian Roast Via to chocolate cake and brownie mixes. It really brings out the chocolate.
****I added a few tablespoons of cocoa and a packet of Via to some of the basic buttercream and used it to fill and crumb coat this part of the cake. Yummy!

Cupcakeasaurus

I love a little girl who's just as willing to play dinosaurs as princesses. I am always kind of proud when my daughter puts her wee fists in the air and says "I'm a superhero!" while wearing plastic high heels and heart-shaped sunglasses (because that's a mask when you're 3).

I threw my share of feminist punches when I was young, but as I have gotten older I've come to realize how much I enjoy being able to be both a woman and sometimes kind of a badass. One does not diminish the other. So when it came time to say goodbye to a little friend who was moving away, I was faced with an interesting challenge - how to make an easy cake that would adequately reflect both her adventurous and girly sides? And the answer came to me through Pinterest (like many good answers do). A dinosaur cupcake cake. With pink toenails. And pearls. And eyelashes.:)

When I say easy, folks, I mean it. All right, not always, but this time, I swear. I made a box cake mix into 14 regular sized and 6 mini cupcakes, smooshed them together, and slapped some frosting on it. The instructions that follow are what I did, but really, you can just go with store-bought frosting and decorate it with Skittles and your kid, I swear, will love it every bit as much.

Materials

For cake:

• Box cake mix in favorite flavor. For children, you can never, ever go wrong with Funfetti.
• Eggs, oil and water for the mix
• 14 reular-sized cupcake liners
• 7 mini cupcake liners

For frosting:

• 4 cups powdered sugar* (the equivalent of 2 boxes or 1 plastic bag)
• 1 cup Crisco
• 1 cup butter, room temp**
• 2 tsp vanilla extract
• Generous pinch of salt
• 1/4 to 1/2 cup whipping cream

For decorating:

• Green food coloring (I used Wilton Moss Green gel coloring)
• Pink food coloring (I used Wilton Rose Pink gel coloring, but a few drops of red food color would work)
• Sugar pearls (they totally have these at grocery stores now, but if you can't find them, just reserve about a 1/2 cup of plain frosting)
• Candy eyeballs or black frosting (I just buy the tubes at the grocery store on sale; I'm pretty sure they'll keep in the fridge until the end of time)
• Some sort of edible triangular-shaped candy. I found gummy sheets at the store; fruit roll-ups would work fine
• Ziploc or piping bags. If you use a Ziploc bag, make sure it's not pleated; freezer bags are strongest; cheap bags will burst when piping.
• Parchment paper or Viva paper towels (yes, brand matters here) 
• Fondant paddle*** 
• Offset spatula***

Method

• For the cupcakes: Mix and bake the cupcakes according to the directions on the box, using at least the number of cupcake liners specified (you may have extra).
• For the frosting: Cream butter and Crisco. Incorporate the sugar a little at a time (will be very stiff when you're done). Add 1/4 whipping cream slowly (or you'll be wearing it) and turn the speed up to medium-high for about a minute. Test the consistency; if it seems too stiff, add a little more cream and beat it again.
• Remove 1 cup frosting for accent colors, and dye the rest a satisfying shade of green.
• Dye a little over half the reserved frosting pink.
• Arrange your cupcakes like this:

(Totally ripped off from this site, which has a great tutorial)

• Fill a Ziploc or piping bag with green frosting. I find it easiest to put the bag in a big plastic cup, then fill it up. You'll need to snip about 1/2 inch off one of the corners of the ziploc bag; piping bags already have a hole.
• Cover the tops of the cupcakes and with frosting, putting extra in any cracks between cupcakes. Cover the whole collective surface with frosting.
• Spread frosting evenly over the entire shape using an offset spatula, back of a spoon, or butter knife. It will not be smooth yet, so don't panic.
• Walk away for 15 minutes to let the buttercream "crust." If it doesn't stick to your finger when you touch it lightly, it's ready.
• Lay a piece of parchment paper or a Viva paper towel on top of the frosting. Using a fondant paddle or your hand, carefully smooth the surface of the frosting by rubbing lightly over the paper towel or parchment, using a circular motion. Lift up the paper frequently to keep it from getting sticky.
• Once the frosting is smooth, you can add details with frosting and candy, like flowers, eyes, outlines, scales, etc.

This is what my dino looked like:

Conclusion

 All told, this cake took about an hour of hands-on time, which is light speed for cakes (for me, anyway). I encourage you to check out this tutorial, which is what I did, as well as the web site. If you like to bake cakes, and especially if you want to start doing "fancy" cakes, you should totally follow them on Pinterest. And if you aren't yet hooked on Pinterest, please do ask me how!

*Theoretically, sugar really shouldn't go "bad." Powdered sugar, though, does tend to take on funky smells as its very own, which translates into weird tasting frosting. So, don't stockpile the sugar, or if you do, put it in a couple of layers of foil or bags or something to keep it from tasting strangely like cumin.

**If you don't have the time or foresight to bring your butter to room temp, try 30 seconds in the microwave at 50% power. Unless your microwave is crazy awesome, in which case, 15 seconds might do it.

***These tools aren't necessary if all you have time to do is hit the market on the way home for a boxed cake mix and a tub of frosting, but if you're going to do this kind of thing often, they are inexpensive and totally worth the trip to Michael's. (Unless you're my husband, who hates the place. He might go in there if our daughter's life were at stake, but otherwise, I'd be on my own.)

Smells like Hawaiian Tropic

My grandmother only made coconut cake on special occasions. To my understanding, they were the confectionery equivalent of Botticelli's Venus in both difficulty of execution and aesthetical beauty. I've come to find out that that supposition wasn't necessarily wrong.

I've made quite a few cakes over the years - not like pro-level or anything, but enough that I'm not usually intimidated by a recipe. Still, there's this one element of a coconut cake that scares me - the icing. My grandmother always made Seven-Minute Frosting for this one cake, so in my mind, there simply isn't an alternative choice. Still, I confess to trying others - the Cook's Illustrated Baking cookbook (indispensable because it's awesome) version is basically a Swiss buttercream with coconut, which I guess if you like that kind of thing, works fine, but it's just too heavy and greasy for me. And tastes kind of like non-dairy coffee creamer. The American buttercream/cream cheese hybrid was fine, but just too heavy. And it crusts, so add coconut to it and it turns into concrete after about 20 minutes.
There's no way around it. The only real option is seven-minute frosting, the white whale of my baking career.
In celebration of my sister- and father-in-law completing an epic bike trip from Pittsburgh to DC, I decided to face my fears and create this cake. For the cake part, I followed (sort of, anyway) a recipe I found online for a sheet cake poached in sugary coconutty goo, even though I fully planned to make layers (and did. And it took 4 drinking straws the hold the darn thing together). As for the filling and frosting, I made one batch of this (whatever you may now think of Paula Deen, the woman does know her way around fat and sugar).
To my surprise and delight, it was perfect. Glossy, thick, fluffy goodness. I had conquered. I had overcome. Call me Ismael.
You knew it wouldn't be that easy, right?
My nephew fell in love with this cake, so much so that he requested me to teach his mom how to make it for his birthday. I had drawn a few conclusions based on the first creation about ways to change the cake part, since the frosting was so perfect.
I should have quit while I was ahead.
Coconut cake 2: The filling didn't penetrate. Not even in the fridge. Part of the cake was dry and part was swampy. And then, there was the heartbreak of the frosting,which instead of the pillowy and silken glory of its predecessor batch, turned out to be a foamy conglomeration of air and egg whites and despair. I tried again, and this time, it was okay. Not the gloriousness of that first try, but not the epic fail of the second. Not willing to do a third batch, we slapped it on the cake before we could change our minds and coated it with coconut, and with the addition of a few candles, it was done.

For the cake

1 boxed yellow cake mix (better results with one that uses oil as the fat rather than butter), prepared as directed, plus
1/2 teaspoon coconut extract
1 can (or bottle) of Cream of Coconut (usually found near the Margarita mix in the grocery store)
1 can sweetened condensed milk

Prepare the cake mix as directed, adding the coconut extract. Pour into pans and bake as instructed. 

In a bowl, combine the cream of coconut and sweetened condensed milk. When the cake is done, remove from the oven and cool for a few minutes, then remove the layers from the cake pans and let them cool for a few minutes. Do not wash those pans yet. Put the cakes back into the their pans and poke holes in them with a straw. I made the mistake of using a fork on the second cake and the filling just would not sink in all the way. 

Use a straw. Pour the cream of coconut and milk mixture over the cakes. If it looks like it's too much, it probably is. I would say use about 3/4 of the mix. I used half on the second cake and I think it suffered for it. Put the pans in the fridge and leave them for at least 2 hours. Overnight worked well.

For the frosting

1 1/2 cups sugar
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar or 1 tablespoon white corn syrup
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup water
2 egg whites*
1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

Place sugar, cream of tartar or corn syrup (I used both!), salt, water, and egg whites in the top of a double boiler. Beat with a handheld electric mixer for 1 minute. Place pan over boiling water, being sure that boiling water does not touch the bottom of the top pan. (If this happens, it could cause your frosting to become grainy). Beat constantly on high speed** with electric mixer for 7*** minutes. Beat in vanilla.

Finally

Stack your layers, using some frosting and coconut as the filling. Cover the entire cake with frosting 

and immediately slap coconut all over it. Refrigerate any leftovers. Or send them to my nephew.

Wait. What happened to the first batch of frosting?

Humidity? Metal vs. glass bowl? New mixer? A butterfly flapped its wings in Africa? Really, I don't know, and I'm not sure I ever will. The only thing I can offer in terms of advice for anyone who sets out to make this frosting is to follow the recipe to the letter, and always have enough materials on hand to make another batch. Good luck.

* I buy the ones in the carton - they totally work!

** If you can do this without giving yourself third-degree burns, then your mixer is powered by dying hamsters. Put a mixer on high in this stuff and it will fling the culinary equivalent of napalm all over you and your entire kitchen. Medium. Stick to medium.

*** Yeah, right. It takes me between 9-12 minutes. Just beat it until it's spreadable and not drippy.

If at first you don't succeed...you can always put it on your blog

So a couple years back, I decided to enter the Pillsbury Bake-off. At the time, I had a one-year-old and about 3 weeks to come up with original recipes and, as it happened, had temporarily lost my senses of smell and taste. So the Bake-off prep was really in the hands of my tasters, because all I could discern of what I put in my mouth was sweet, salty, spicy, sour, or bitter. It was a great diet plan, as I figured that while I couldn't enjoy anything, I might as well just eat salads. It was very surreal, though, and even after a CAT scan, the ENT wasn't sure why it had happened, but eventually the senses came back, although I still don't think they've ever been as sharp as they were before (rest assured,though, they are plenty good enough to know the difference between salads and brownies - I know you were worried). Weird.
Anyway, I came up with three entries, all of which my tasters thought were pretty good. Once I had my smell and taste back, the standout for me was the cupcake recipe. Plus, it involves an element of danger and option for use of open flame - who doesn't love that?
Pillsbury, apparently. Alas, I did not win, but I won't let that stop me from sharing the losing recipe! Please ignore the brands - that was a requirement for the contest. I've also editorialized it a bit from the original submission.

Materials

1/2 cup shortening

1 1/4 cups white sugar

2 LAND O LAKES® Large Brown Cage-Free eggs

1 teaspoon McCormick® Pure Vanilla Extract

½ teaspoon banana flavoring

1 cup mashed ripe (not brown or over-ripe) bananas (seriously, this makes the difference between a cupcake and a muffin)

1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons dark rum (or more if you're not into measuring)

2 cups Pillsbury BEST® Unbleached Flour

½ teaspoon McCormick® Ground Cinnamon

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 can Eagle Brand® Sweetened Condensed Milk

⅓ cup heavy cream

1 jar marshmallow cream

Method

1. In a medium sized bowl, combine dry ingredients. Preheat oven  to 350. In a large mixing bowl, cream together the shortening and sugar using an electric mixer. Add eggs one at a time, beating after each addition. Add ¼ cup rum (can substitute with ¼ cup buttermilk and 1 teaspoon McCormick® Imitation Rum Extract - BUT WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO???), flavorings and bananas and blend until just incorporated. Add flour mixture in two batches and beat until incorporated. Using a ¼ cup measuring cup, fill a lined regular-sized cupcake tin with batter (it makes about 18 cupcakes, so you may have to work in two batches). Bake for 18-22 minutes, until tops spring back when touched.
2. While cupcakes are baking*, pour the contents of 1 can of condensed milk into a large microwave-safe bowl. Cover with plastic wrap; make a small slit in the top to allow steam to escape. Cook on 50% power for 2 minutes; stir with a wire whisk. Cover and microwave again for 2 minutes on 50% power. Stir with wire whisk. Repeat this procedure in 2.5 minute increments for 10 more minutes. Mixture should foam each time it is stirred and should be caramel-colored and thick near the end. Meanwhile, heat cream in a small saucepan until hot but not boiling. At the end of the 10 minutes, immediately add hot cream and 2 tablespoons rum (or 1 teaspoon rum extract); whisk until smooth. Set aside to cool.
3. When cupcakes are cool, take a measuring spoon or apple corer and remove a small (no more than 1 teaspoon total) section from the center of each cupcake. Put the cooled milk mixture into a heavy-duty plastic zip-top bag; seal the bag and snip off one corner (about ½ inch). Fill the hole in each cupcake until mixture is even with the top of the cake.
4. Preheat your broiler** and place all of your filled cupcakes on a baking sheet. Top each cupcake with 1-2 tablespoons of marshmallow cream (I find it is easiest to put it in a piping bag or zip-top bag with the corner snipped off). Try to center the marshmallow cream on each cupcake but don’t worry about spreading it out. Once all cupcakes have been iced, put the baking sheet in the oven until the marshmallow cream browns on the top, resembling a toasted marshmallow. This process happens very quickly, so be sure to check your cupcakes every 30 seconds or so. Serve immediately for the gooiest experience.:)

*If you like to live dangerously: The way I originally learned to make this wonderful caramelly-goodness was from a terrific book called Southern Ladies and Gentlemen. The author, Florence King, referred to this as "Danger Pudding." All you do is take a can of condensed milk, peel off the label, put it in a large stock pot full of cold water, and then boil it for an hour and a half. Take the pot off the heat, pour off the water, and leave the can alone until it cools completely. I guess bad things can happen if you open the can too soon. Like caramel on the ceiling. And your hair. And shrapnel.

**If Danger is your middle name: You can also accomplish this with a kitchen torch (the kind you use for creme brulee). Just watch your eyebrows.

Everything's A-OK

We took the Little Bit to Sesame Place last weekend. She's been fighting a cold for a week or so, but we'd had the tickets for months (due to a personal appearance by "Kindi Rock" superstar Laurie Berkner), so we were going, snot be damned. Plus, it was the first unGodly hot weekend of the year, where else would we be but a theme park full of pre-schoolers?
The trip there was miserable. Normally a little under 3 hours, it took us 5. I now hate the following cities, ranked in order of worst driving experience last Friday to best.

1. Philly. Eva started puking around Hour 9000 and we couldn't get off the highway for 3 miles.  HATE.
2. New Jersey. Toll Plazas. That is all.
3. Baltimore. Because apparently they drive tanks up and down the pavements all night long when noone is looking. Pot holes the depth of the axles. Luckily, we were only going 3 MPH so it didn't do anything permanent. I hope.
4. DC. Yes, you read that right. The new 695 interchange is much better than turning right at a traffic light on Pennsylvania Avenue and trying not to hit the curbside flower vendors. Plus, traffic was heavy but at least it was flowing. At 12:30 in the afternoon.

All this said, we had a great time once we got there. My child is not threatened by any ride, any height, any spray of water, or any adult-sized costumed character.
So, how does all this rambling tie in to something Mommy made? Well, I finally got to see a scale model of the brownstone where Maria, Big Bird (he roosts on the roof), Bert and Ernie (in the basement), and Oscar the Grouch (in the trash can outside) live.
This would have been helpful to me when I re-created it in cake form for a birthday party in February.

I'll spare you most of the details, so if you really want to know, email me and I'll bore you with minutia. Some more.

Materials:

• 2 12-inch cake layers
• 4 8-inch cake layers
• About 5 pounds of this frosting
• Cake plate (mine was a nice pedestal that promptly broke)
• 10 lbs of chocolate fondant*
• 2-3 pounds gum paste and/or white fondant
• Paint brush
• rolling pin
• sharp knife
• confectioner's sugar
• Crisco
• blue food coloring
• green food coloring
• food coloring pens
• fondant cutters of your choice - I used this but it's more trouble than it's worth
• 15-20 hours of your life

Method (deep breath. I promise I'll only hit the high points)

1. Using the chocolate fondant and the gum paste, I rolled it out and cut it into shapes to use for the trim on the house (windowsills, doors, windows, etc.)*
2. Stack, fill, and crumb coat the square layers.
   Like this (please ignore the yogurt and turkey)!
   
3. Stack, fill, and crumb coat the round layers, then dye some of the icing blue and do a smooth coat.
   Like this!
   
   
4. Cover the "cube" cake with chocolate fondant. If you can. 
5. Smack the House cake on the round cake. This part is not fun and can go terribly wrong.
6. Use water and a paint brush to attach all the doo-dads to the house and the sign to the round cake.
7. Use leftover icing for details on the cake.
8. Get someone to help you carry the thing, because it is seriously heavy.

*If there's a word stronger than "hate" here, that's how I feel about Wilton's chocolate fondant. I hate fondant, anyway, but this stuff is the weirdest, stickiest, driest, cracki-est, meanest lump of sugar dough I have ever worked with. Seriously, I had a humidifier cranking next to it and it still cracked. Next time I'll just take my chances with chocolate buttercream. Wait, I am never doing this again. Nevermind.